All I want right now:

  • for someone to bring me unlimited amounts of iced coffee on demand – I just ran out, need to study more, have a taste for it, and don’t feel like driving to get it
  • to not have to study anymore
  • to quit my job (no matter where I go, the corporate world is NOT pretty and I’m over it – it’s not a necessary evil; there are other things in life and I need to get there asap; I liked new job bc it isn’t old job, but now I’m realizing that it’s still corporate bs)
  • to travel the world
  • …so basically, those 3 are possible if (WHEN) I win the Powerball tonight.
  • to go to the gym again – I went this morning, tried some new moves, and am addicted. That’s my idea of fun (??) And I’ve always feared/hated pull-ups. Now I’m hooked because they’re giving me the arms I’ve always wanted and everyone keeps complimenting me – I don’t hate it.
  • …no really, this is a big deal – ten years of track and zero definition in my arms until this year – they were always just there and blah. lol
  • to have a job that requires me to walk around in spandex all day…my dream. I just want to have my own gym.
  • that if I still have to have a finance job, at least make it one that has me in a different city every week (are you noticing the pattern – I just need to gtfoh? yep.)
  • to let go of my anger towards him/relationships in general. it’s eating away at me and really not cute.
  • …actually, people in general are annoying me lately – oh, look at that, I just ignored a call lmao I just want to be left alone – I just have a lot of resentment/have lost faith in people, and kinda want to be left alone. Just let me be a hermit until I build up enough strength to deal with people’s crap again…
  • 6 days til the Bahamas – I just might not come back. As much as my urge to travel lately has been to go and see what the world has to offer, more and more it’s also to run away from my problems…not that you really can…because I’d be feeling the same stuff no matter what country I’m in – your feelings stay with you even if you’re not seeing certain people. I mean, I haven’t been seeing a lot of people lately, but I still have to deal with the emotions. But taking in new locations can serve as a great distraction, ya know?
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I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

For the past two and a half weeks, I’ve been on this crazy inspiration wave.

Not really sure where it’s coming from. And it’s kind of odd to go from “OMG work sucks, my love life sucks, I hate you all” to “Gee wilikers – I want to embrace life and everything in it. All at once. Right now.” I’ve just had this burst of energy.

I thought maybe it was getting a new job after a 10-month search. But not really. Because it’s still not what I want to do. So the fact that it’s not my current job, and the fact that it’s a job after so long, are making me feel good, not great. I should be excited as in I’m looking forward to where I’m going, when really, it’s just I’m THRILLED to be leaving such a crappy place. Ya know? I digress.

I’ve just been having uncharacteristic thoughts in my head that have lead me to serious considerations/research; like more than passing ideas or daydreaming. More like “hell yeah, I’m doing this right now.” Examples?

  • getting into photography – I’m SO far from creative. I can’t paint, draw, act, compose music, write poetry, or mold clay. If you know me IRL, you know that I’m a super logical, by the books, get a safe degree and work your 9-5 kind of person. I’m not artsy at all. So for me to want to suddenly grab a camera, randomly drive to sites, “capture the moment and lighting and feeling,” and edit stuff in Photoshop? Weird.
  • I want to relocate – almost anywhere in the United States. I’ve lived in 3 states my entire life. And each time, my parents were a maximum of 50 miles away. I didn’t go away to school or move away after. I feel like I’m missing out. Like it’s normal for people to move away from their families and visit them on holidays. Not me. Maybe it’s because I’m the only child and am close with my parents; I don’t feel like they’re holding me back, but I’d miss them! So that’s why me wanting to up and move away is crazy. Not to mention that I bought a house on the assumption I’d be living here for at least 5-10 years. I don’t regret it/feel tied down. Again, I’m a planner – the only reason I bought a house was because both my mom and I (and Wells Fargo) thought I was a long-term, stable, never make random decisions kind of person. And I am. I’ve just had this urge lately. No one saw it coming – my bad.
  • wanting to waitress – LOL. I mean, I’d be great at it. I always smile, LOVE talking to random people, do everything with a sense of urgency, and worked in retail/customer service. I can deal with jerks. I always said I wouldn’t work with food, but I kinda want to make some cash on the side (without getting a sugar daddy)
  • owning my own restaurant – friends and family know that I’m anti-owning my own business. It scares me to death. I don’t know how people do it. I need stability. The failure rate for restaurants (and most small businesses) is wayyy too high; which I could handle if it weren’t for the fact that, well – this will make or break you. If there’s trouble, it’s alll you – all of your money (usually). So if the business tanks, you’re screwed. Unless you’re one of those people lucky enough to run a business on the side with just a few thou of play money sitting around in addition to your regular income, I don’t get it. Knowing that my income/livelihood/possibly food and shelter source is tied to something so risky? No, thanks. But I think it’d be fun to run one! And I lovvvee food. (& as much as I hate the corporate world, the whole being your own boss thing is looking REAL good; the only problem is that I’m not smart enough to come up with a profitable idea someone else hasn’t already come up with)
  • hopping on a train to ride up the east coast (for some reason I only think of traditional planes/cars, so trains are all “ooh, fancy” to me)
  • completely dropping out of finance all together and liquidating all of my assets and traveling the world taking pictures / getting married and moving away to start a new life not in the corporate world and not using my degrees/throwing away all of my hard work because I’m not passionate about it

A girl can dream, right?

Things I want right now

• COFFEE
• to not get out of bed and go to work (for hours…I’m outta there in 9 days, f it)
• to cuddle
• read The Hunger Games
• clean my house
• play with the dogs
• not study
• hear back about this other interview although I’m still eh about it bc I’m over the corporate world for reals
• to do lots of online shopping

I’m not asking for a lot here.

Lust List

The things I’m currently lusting after:

Nikon D3100. Yes, I’ve decided I need to take up photography as my new hobby. Both of my parents have always been into it, so I guess it was just a matter of time. I’ve never been artsy/creative, but I want to try it. I’m always drooling over pics online, so why not take some?

About $500 depending on the lens…

iPad 3 next month-ish. Ok, ok. Yes, I originally thought this was silly and just a big iPhone. I especially rejected it because when it came out I already had a Macbook and an iPhone. My current arsenal: Macbook (2008), Sony Vaio (2007), iPhone 4s, Kindle Fire (instead of iPad; for reading!), iPod shuffle (for the gym). The question is – do I really need an iPad? Probably not. But my Macbook software is two generations behind (gasp). So I’ve been toying around with just paying the $60 to upgrade an old machine, or just go ahead and get something new. Note – all of these devices are working just fine. This is a want, not a need, I admit it… Secretly, I just want to be cool and use it as a portfolio for my future amazing photography; I can just whip it out of my bag like “Oh, here’s my work. And here’s my card with my website for more.” Nerdy?

About $700 I’m guessing

Already mentioned…

Beats by Dre. Yes, I have about 4 pairs of the white Apple headphones. But these are pretty and better.

About $300

Nike LunarGlide+ 3. I bought these in black and white recently. I don’t get excited for shoes at all, but these are amazing. I now need them in every color.

About $100 a pair

I’m going to be responsible and wait – sigh. I did just buy a dog and oodles of dog gear. Why does my birthday have to be 10 months away?