Things I’m grateful for

So I’d like a bit more consistency on this thing here I call a blog (ha, look at me acting like my life over the next 6-8 months will be calm. Anything but…)

I really would like some kinda “regular thing”…a go-to feature or topic? I’ve noticed a common theme over the past couple of weeks as I draft blog posts in my head (c’mon, you do it too)…I’ve just had this overwhelming sense of “grateful” for a while now. Even when things haven’t been great, I catch myself smiling like an idiot (and hope no one saw it).

In the spirit of one of the first blogs I started following (if you’re not, do it now, she’s amazing), I think I’ll take Mondays as a time to reflect and be thankful for the good things I have going on – big or small. I usually find myself having a really good workout Monday morning, or reading just the right quote and coming back to that one thing all day thinking “Motivation Monday!!!” (I mean, Mondays are typically rough, so if you can focus on the good, it can really set the tone for the day and week)

(I’m starting to gross myself out with all of this positivity – let’s just go with it hahaha)

Anyways, I need to come up with some cool & catchy title (not Motivation Monday, c’mon), but for now, this is what I’ve got:

  • Feeling strongyeah, yeah – she can’t go a post without mentioning CrossFit lol But more than that – today I felt really strong. Physically, but also emotionally. It’s kinda translating. I was always a little stick of a girl, so being able to throw 135 pounds over my head, or squat about 200 pounds…is a very empowering thing. And I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s making everything else better – yesterday/this morning I got a little choked up over the family drama, but I tapped into that little place, and everything was ok. Confidence & inner strength rock.
  • Dressing up – what girl doesn’t like to play dress up? If I’m going out with friends, I’m always ready to dress it up. But my attitude in dressing for work over the past four years has been the complete opposite. I hated the thought of going to work, so it was minimal effort – I mean, who was I trying to impress? You guys are lucky if I show up in something wrinkle-free and remotely matches. I’ve also often shied away from feeling too vain or feeling like I had to hide behind makeup and clothes. But it’s ok! I’ve had this shift lately where I want to match cute outfits and I’ve been wearing (minimal) makeup to work every day. I’m even ok with wearing heels one day a week (not every day; not trying to ruin my feet) I’m kinda proud of myself for not being afraid of getting “oh, she thinks she’s cute” – actually, I wore this because it makes me feel good. Also, the whole “dress for the job you want thing” – new job has very much put me in a position to be set for life, so I’m on board with making it happen. Old/new job call for business casual, but new job is a step up given we sometimes meet with clients or have to go to the executive boardroom for meetings (fancy) #profeshtodeath lol
  • Friends – new & old – I’ve always been a friendly person, but was pretty introverted until I graduated from college. Now, I don’t care – I’ll talk to anyone, I’m like the mayor when we go out. Still, I’ve always been slow/hesitant to call someone my friend because I think people throw around the term loosely. Also, I’ve had a lot of friends screw me over/we grew apart. So it’s a sensitive spot for me – I’ll talk to anyone, but kinda stick with my core group of friends if that makes sense? But I started this year with the New Years’ Resolution mindset that I need to be more open – to stop being scared/paranoid that everyone will hurt me. I especially needed to branch out and come out of my cave after I basically took a social hiatus March-December of last year (largely driven by the falling out with The One/fed up with job sitch). Anywho, I’ve been letting myself get to know people at the gym and work without that ‘cringe’ feeling. It oddly feels nice to get to know people, and people want to get to know you, ask if you’re ok, where have you been?, come hang out with us. I feel like I get a big ol hug every day lol And I’ve even friended a bunch of people of FB (which to me feels so intimate, someone having so much info on you; not private info, but like I can sit and memorize dates and facts about you lol)
  • Forgiveness – ties back to the feeling strong thing – I’ve had exes popping up for no reason (guess I’m that awesome? jk) I’m glad that I’m able to see/speak to them without my eyes turning red or fists balling up. Instead it’s a “ah, nice to hear from you, old friend. Hope life has been good to you” (also: I know I’m hotter than any girl after me/haha you’re still single)
  • Calendar – again, after me being a hermit, I’ve been having fun filling in my Erin Condren planner with stickers and doodles for lots of work/non-work events. It’s nice to have things to look forward to in terms of stuff I can learn and memories to be made…

 

photo-2

Advertisements

New Year’s Resolutions

Oh, hi – it’s the first day of September. There are suddenly four months left in the year. Where did the time go? I don’t know, but it seems like we were all just ringing in 2012 and being all optimistic and setting lofty goals. How did you do with yours? Did it get dropped after three weeks? If so, there’s still time, right? Even if it’s not for all of 2012, at least it’s good to make positive lifestyle changes at any time.

Ok, enough of the Suzy Sunshine, but it is true. I’m happy to say that I accomplished most, but not all of my resolutions. At least I knocked the big ones off my list. And then at the end of May, I set another goal: that by the end of August, I’d have a new job in Atlanta, and move 1500 miles away to start a new life, pursue my dreams, and most importantly, forget about a certain someone breaking my heart. Yesterday…that deadline came and went. So sad. haha I should pat myself on the back for at least making the effort and trying to make things happen, but I feel kinda eh about it. Again, it’s not too late, but it really does suck that it didn’t happen after I thought I allowed a reasonable timeline.

Maybe there’s a good reason. It doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen – maybe now just wasn’t a good time. I’m a big believer in the whole everything happens for a reason thing. Yeah, it sucks, but it is what it is. And usually when you get to where you want to be, you’re able to look back and say “ohh, that’s why I was miserable for all those months.”

And you know what? Even though the past eight months have brought me heartache, pain, disappointment, stress, anger, and loss of faith in, well, people; I gotta believe it all happened for a good reason. The whole “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” thing (man, could I break out any more cliche sayings? And yes, I’m singing Kelly Clarkson in my head) With love: now that I’ve dealt with the WORST, I figure anything that any other guy could throw at me will be a walk in the park. With work: now that I’ve seen how shitty the corporate world is and how it works, and have had terrible experiences…at least now it’s clear and confirmed for me that I really need to pursue my dreams and get out because it’s not the place for me.

See? Silver lining. And I’d been meaning to blog about it, but until Thursday, I’d been on a super wave of positivity. A lot of things going well despite not everything being where I want it to be/where it should be. With love: I put myself back out there as much as I didn’t want to, and have met some good people/reconnected with others. No, nothing to write home about or make me change my stance on marriage/relationships, but it has managed to make me forget about ol what’s-his-name. I can’t say that the pain is completely gone, but at least I’m over it…in the sense that it doesn’t really upset me anymore/it’s become second nature to not think about him like that. So kinda mourning the loss of a key person in your life, but minus the sting of the situation & what was said. And then with work: yes, I still DREAD going in every day, and I still feel myself wanting to scream and run away from my desk from working with crappy people/the realization that I’m underpaid and more qualified and should be elsewhere…but I’ve done a great job at faking it. I mean great – laughing and joking with everyone, acting like I want to be there and going the extra mile, etc. So I asked myself the other day: wait…you’re not actually starting to like this, are you?!?! The answer was a firm hellll no. But what I have liked and done is three things: 1) Remind myself that it is a job, and without it, I couldn’t have all the things I love (like my house and gadgets); and I should be grateful to have one. 2) Remind myself that I’m kind of a boss, and even when I’m thrown into a situation that I’m not prepared for and completely despise, I make the most of it and work hard anyways. I don’t know how to not work hard – that’s what I do. I completely hate what I do, and it’s not what I went to school for, but I’ve still made an effort to learn and do well. Because I never want to be that girl that people label as lazy or unreliable. When someone asks me to do something, in my head I roll my eyes, say that I really don’t have any idea how to do this nor do I care enough to figure it out, and why don’t you ask someone who knows how to do it; I didn’t go to school for this and I’m way underpaid so really you people don’t deserve my efforts – I’m really about to give you the effort that coincides with what you pay me…BUT instead, I politely smile and enthusiastically say “sure, I can do that,” even though it inevitably ends in me stressing out and trying to figure some shit out & getting 3 hours of sleep because I took my laptop home to work on dumb shit. Why? Because that’s all I know. I just work hard even when people don’t deserve my all. WOW, that sounds like most of my relationships…

Anyways, the point is that going on bad dates and putting up with shit at work…I do it because I’ve been making a real effort this year to make the best out of what I have. These are the shitty cards you’ve been dealt; no, it shouldn’t be you; yes, you’ve worked hard to be elsewhere, but darn it, it could be a lot worse. It can only get better, be patient, and dwelling on how shitty it is will NOT make it better. In fact, focusing on the little (teeny) good parts to your day, will make those days a little more bearable. I get annoyed when people say “you’re in charge of your own happiness, happiness is a choice, etc.” But I guess it’s better to say you have control over your outlook and the way you handle things. Yeah, I think all men are trash and I’ve been shown nothing but that…doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with a guy and (try to) let myself have fun and be open to someone proving me wrong.

So what am I going to do the rest of the year to make these months count? Next weekend I’m going to LA for a family reunion (airports, obscene amounts of Southern food, and an event yielding a free t-shirt? I’m in.) October…I have it in my head that some cute guy will take me apple picking (in my cute riding boots/jeans/scarf ensemble) and the Halloween party is at my house this year (I already planned it on a Pinterest board, duh. Best hostess ever) November=Thanksgiving/something else I’ll dream up. December=my 27th birthday (I need to throw a party) and Christmas of course.

Let’s make it good, people.

What I did today!

I haven’t been blogging much lately simply because I’ve been semi-depressed. Just stuck and trying to deal with love life feelings & work & misc. I already hate work, and this week is going to be pure hell – as in 14-hour days. I can’t. I’m currently chugging wine and staring at my work laptop across the room if that tells you anything.

SO. I’m going to focus on the (little) good for now – it was a good day and I’m feeling quite proud of myself right now.

I sprang out of bed early, and before I even thought about getting coffee, I cleaned out my garage, cleaned out my refrigerator and took out lots of trash (all things a guy could be helping with but whatev). I told myself I’d go to the gym later (I didn’t go yesterday due to shopping) but realized that the later in the day it gets, the less likely I am to go on the weekends – it’s much easier to go during the week at any time of day. So instead of kidding myself, I went right over after cleaning without a break and did some serious intervals on the treadmill AND 5 sets of pull-ups after. Booyah.

Came home, showered, and let myself watch men’s Olympic water polo. Good Lord, I have a newfound love for that sport. Mmm. Er, I mean, I appreciate the athleticism required. Seriously though, that has to be hard since they can’t touch the bottom of the pool. Anywho, while watching (drooling) I made a grocery list. I’ve been on this kick to make Sunday dinners…just for myself. I usually don’t cook since it’s just me, and well, it takes a lot of time/effort usually. Not that I’m lazy…I guess I’m usually just in the mindset that if you’re not a foodie and really into it, you’ll create something not fit for human consumption. But thanks to Pinterest and some lovely blogs, I’ve found delicious and healthy recipes to try. I’ve also decided a) I’m 26 years old and have a house – time to grow up, you’re on your own and not in college anymore b) even though you have no one to cook for, throw those extras in some Tupperware and take it for lunch, and c) you clearly have the time on the weekends to cook, and let’s face it, avoiding dating has given you even more time; & you’re always looking for something to put your energy into instead of thinking too much and crying over him…again.

I’m all about distractions 🙂 So last week I made some amazing chicken AND baked some muffins for breakfast. Tonight I made the best one yet:

http://iowagirleats.com/recipes/summer-veggie-pasta-skillet/

Seriously. This is not a game.

I almost cried it was so good. And I made it! Kinda fulfilling. And I’m always looking for ways to get more veggies into my diet (we all need to). This is also coming on the heels of a trip to Whole Foods yesterday – I’m in love. Just coming through the doors made me instantly feel like I wanted to recycle something, plant a tree, and become a vegan, then and there. I usually eat pretty healthy, recycle a lot, live in a green community, and avoid plastic bags/bottles like no other. But these people are hard-core. Organic everything? Compost piles? I do my part, but I can’t give up buying makeup at Sephora or using Lysol lol. Yet Whole Foods just makes you want to be a better person. I’ve been on (another) a self-improvement kick for about 6 weeks now; taking vitamins, doing new, consistent workouts at the gym (& getting swimsuit compliments!), and even making lots of smoothies…with spinach and protein powder. Gasp. So I think I’ll make some more trips to Whole Foods & Trader Joe’s, especially since not everything is crazy expensive. Again, lots of refocusing my energy into me and being a better person instead of letting work / love sorrows get me down. I’ve let that keep me from blogging, but maybe I’ll force myself to come on here to drop whatever little good there is 🙂