UGH.

Today was stupid. Not because it was a Monday, but because I tried really hard to make it a good one.

 

I was dragging in the morning and having super depressing thoughts about a few areas of my life that should be better. And the word I kept landing on was “patience.” That it’s a hard thing to have, and I’m pretty sure I have more of it than anyone I know. All I do is wait. Even after putting sooo much effort into things instead of waiting for them to come to me, I still wait. Then I started playing devil’s advocate in my head saying “well maybe you should wait longer; or, maybe you shouldn’t be waiting on this thing or that person.” This distinctive conversation went back and forth a good 20 times…

 

But then around 10am, I mentally slapped myself in the face and decided to make it a good day – things could be worse, right? And I’m sure those things you’re waiting on are worth it and all of your hard work/patience will be acknowledged some time soon, surely.

 

Then loved ones wanna be rude. AND MY BOSS WANTS TO JUMP DOWN MY THROAT WITH DUMB SHIT. IT GOT LOUD AND HEATED. This is a big deal because I take a lot of shit at work – I’m a polite girl. And I’ve learned to not speak up in this department because it will get you in trouble. They are always right, just nod and smile. BUT TODAY?! Not once, but twice, our managers asked me about the most insignificant things. The second time it happened, it was on.

 

If it’s some million dollar loss – ok, come at me. I deserve it. But for SOME DUMB SHIT that you literally only ask me about because the bitch that pulls the strings told you to?! And you’re new so you have no idea that we never address this issue in our department? And you still brought it to me when it will never come up again because I’m gone in 3 days? And there are never any issues with my stuff, but now in 1 day in my last 4 days, all of a sudden shit’s coming outta the woodwork?! KISS MY ASS.

 

So yes, I let angry black woman out. Because this was a long time coming. Everyone thinks you’re a complete moron; this was an insignificant thing; you really didn’t care but brought it up because you were told to; and ABOVE ALL ELSE – I don’t back down when I know I’m right, bitch. Don’t try me. Now, there have been similar situations before where I was a little more calm because again, you don’t ever want to disagree with these people. But today I realized, hell no – I know I’m right & today is different from the other days because now I have nothing to lose and it’s about time someone stood up. I’m tired of taking crap from you people, and if you’re going to step up, make it damn good.

 

Everyone in the department listening was like:

 

And agreed that she was wrong. Not that I needed the validation – I can tell on my own that I’m right, thank you. But it made me feel a little more sane.

(Side note – maybe you people wanna look into why FOUR people in our department quit in ONE month and the others are looking. Good luck with that.)

 

In conclusion – today pissed me off not for the stupidity (I mean, that’s every day), but because I tried to be optimistic. Then people wanna prove me right. SO DUMB. Going to hide…

I put in my two weeks notice today

and I feel amazing. I’d like to say that I’ve never felt this alive, but that’d be a lie. The only thing stopping my happiness from being HAPPINESS is the fact that it’s with the same firm & it’s not really what I want to do. Which I would be ok with if the pay were better. But both the job and pay are better than what I have now, so I shouldn’t complain.

The one thing cheering me up – I have a second interview tomorrow for a much, much bigger and better job outside of the company that looks very promising. Basically my dream job that I expected to get in 3-4 years. So we’ll see!