Weekend recap + I’m scared!

Quick rundown of the weekend since I need to get to bed soon! (First day of new job tomorrow; feels like the first day of school, yikes…)

Friday

  • CrossFit at 5:15am (rough, but I needed it)
  • Got some iced coffee
  • My last day at old job! A nice co-worker brought in donuts
  • Didn’t have to do much and I got to leave at 3 instead of 5pm
  • Talked to my grandma as I was driving and she made me smile so much my face hurt
  • Felt the urge to celebrate, so I drove straight to the wine & spirits store and grabbed a bottle of my favorite wine (the last one – meant to be!)
  • Toasted myself with a glass before 4pm (not sorry)

photo 1

  • I rarely drink anymore, so this resulted in a nap
  • Woke up from said nap and went to the mall to get my mom a birthday present…
  • …remembered I had some coupons + treat yoself is in order + I’m already here =

photo 2

Seriously, I’m really proud of myself – I’ve drastically reduced my retail therapy over the past few years, and I’m glad that even when I did indulge, I got realllly good deals. I go on a Victoria’s Secret shopping spree 2-3 times a year (I mean, you gotta have underwear…make em pretty), and I made out like a bandit with my coupons and stuff on sale: total discount of $167 and I spent less than $200 total…and got a ton of stuff! Second surprise win of the trip: I found out I’ve been wearing the wrong bra size for, oh, nine years. I’m slightly ashamed to say that! I always hear on tv/see in magazines “ladies, get measured regularly!” bc some 80% or something of us are wearing the wrong size. I’ve never heeded this warning because, well…I don’t have big boobs haha Proud of mine though – they’re functional. So I always politely decline when the associate walking around with the pink tape measure asks if I need to be measured. Friday night, I just said, sure why not. Good thing I did! Who knew I was two cup sizes off?! She changed my life, so much more comfortable and they look great, wink wink. I mean, a good bra, the right pair of shoes, or a new hairstyle – a girl can take over the world. Since I’m starting new job/new chapter in my life, I thought this was fitting (get it?) I groaned at the thought of having to buy more bras in a new size, but the deals made it bearable.

Second stop – Bath & Body Works. I have been CRAVING the line of candles for the fall. I have a slight obsession with candles regardless, but I love when my house smells like fall and is all cozy. $20 for a candle?? Nope. I got excited because they were on sale 2/$22, and I had a 20% off coupon, so I grabbed a bottle of lotion. I asked the lady at the register if I could do two separate purchases to do both deals, and she said she could do them all on one (score). SO I ended up getting three candles for $8.80 each instead of $20! Total discount of $35. Awesome.

photo 3

 

photo 4

 

Saturday

  • Woke up and ran a couple miles at sunrise (calm & pretty)
  • Got dressed and went to get my hair done!
  • …It’s super straight and lovely; and I got my eyebrows done – best shape she’s done so far, love
  • Met my mom for her birthday, spent the day laughing and eating
  • Had a relaxing evening at home (boring, didn’t go out)

Today

  • Slept in til 8am, took the dogs out
  • Iced coffee from DD (duh)
  • Went to yoga class – felt good after I skipped last week’s; only six people in the class, helped my quad
  • Quick CrossFit strength session to work on form
  • Got dressed and stopped by the library for a bit (I’m such a nerd…my life sounds so glamorous)
  • Was too lazy to do the usual Sunday groceries (will go tomorrow night)
  • Did laundry so I could say I was somewhat productive
  • Packed for tomorrow!

Ahhhhh, I’m so nervous! It’s really sinking in now, and I’m starting to freak out a little bit – for the first time in four years, I won’t be casually walking into the same place. I’ll be working in the city now and I’ll have to get used to parking garages and walking blocks again. I feel like a lost little puppy haha

And I won’t be sitting at my desk just staring at the clock and yawning – it’s going to be A LOT of hard work. For the most part, my jobs over the past few years haven’t been a challenge – I haven’t had to use my brain that much. This on the other hand, will be a challenge. A welcomed one though. They say that “life begins at the end of your comfort zone” and that “if your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.” Well, just like CrossFit, this makes me pretty uncomfortable, and I’m a little scared – not that I can’t do it, but just bc it’s such a huge opportunity. I’m looking forward to pushing my limits 🙂

Oh. I became a vegetarian and MMA fighter in one week.

No big. hahahaha Super casual.

Yeah, I know. Kinda random and crazy but not really. They’ve both been in the works for a while, and upon implementing, my life is already so much better!

So I’ve never really been a meat-eater – just chicken and fish if I have. It’s a combination of taste and health concerns. I’d been toying around with the idea of becoming a vegan, but there are two huge things in the way: eggs and dairy. I can’t go without them! I love scrambled eggs and they’re amazing for protein instead of meat, which is great for me; and daily coffee and yogurt are kind of religious things for me. Every day. I actually really don’t like the taste of coffee but chug it for keeping me alive and focused at work, as well as the metabolism boost. Soo I can’t have it without some yummy creamer! Yes, I’ve tried almond/soy milk – not even close. So I settled on being vegetarian instead of hardcore vegan. Honestly, it hasn’t been hard at all. I don’t crave or miss meat, mainly since I was never really into it. I decided I’d give myself until the end of the month and then possibly convert into a pescatarian (my fav meal in life is salmon/salmon sushi. sigh) Today is my 8th day 🙂 Kinda proud: I feel noticably better and have even lost a few lbs.

IN BIGGER NEWS. As we all know, I’m obsessed with all things health & fitness. I’ve always been an athlete and am always looking for new activities/workouts to challenge myself and have fun. Especially with my whole quarter-life crisis/he broke my heart/I f*ing hate my job thing…ya know, distracting myself with things. I’ve been doing fitness kickboxing on and off for about 10 years or so. Nothing crazy. Two years ago I really got into it and bought a heavy bag for my garage & gloves, and started doing the “fitness MMA” classes offered at my gym. Crazy good workout but piqued my interest for the real techniques behind the fighting styles, especially after watching UFC.

I’d been looking around at local studios/gyms but was kinda meh. Then a month ago I got a free pass for 2 trial classes at a karate studio for kickboxing. Thought it’d be cool to see if they’re more technique-oriented. Fun. Great music. But not so much. I saw people in full karate gear there doing serious things, but it just didn’t seem like they had a good variety/skill levels. Kinda weird crowd too, mostly kids. ENTER LIVING SOCIAL. I’ve always heard people raving about it, and I’ve just said “mm, sounds cool but it’ll just give me discounts on buying things I don’t need.” But I finally signed up for it like 2 weeks ago only because I was looking into CrossFit and the prices here are obnoxious without a LS deal.

Fast forward, last week I randomly scanned my e-mail and saw a deal for unlimited MMA classes for a month for 70% off. Don’t mind if I do. It was meant to be. I stopped by yesterday and signed up in a hurry. Went back in tonight to do my fitness evaluation (max reps of push-ups, sit-ups, frog jumps, squats, and squat thrusts aka burpees you can do in 60 sec each. I felt sick). The owner told me that most people do the evaluation one night and start classes the next. NOT ME. Watching everyone got me too hyped. I just stared in amazement. And everyone is super chill and nice – as I was remebering how to breathe against the wall, one of the instructors stopped to introduce himself and told me to jump in whenever I wanted to. I felt weird because everyone knew what they were doing and had their assignments – I didn’t want to waddle in and disturb them. Like “eww, new girl, you’re taking up my space.” But upon meeting the friendly instructor, and because I already had my awesome pink gloves with me, I walked right on over and said “What do I do?”

After jokingly calling my gloves “toy gloves” (hater – they’re Everlast; he wishes his were pink), the owner walked me through the right way to punch – as in, keeping in mind you need to protect your face lol – and then had me keep going. Then he had one of the “pros” come over and work with me more. To paint the picture: think legit UFC fighter. He was shirtless with tats allll over; fauxhawk and I think a nose ring. Bad ass. And he was one of the 3 guys in the actual ring. So I know I’m learning from someone good; he clearly knew what he was talking about and was very encouraging. Highlight of the night: as he was first holding the heavy bag for me to punch, I threw my first few punches and made him say “wow, girl – you got some power! You clearly have good leg strength which is a good base for punching.” Duh. hahaha I’ve been told that before and I guess it makes sense with all of the track. It feels good to be “naturally” good at something you love.

I could go on and on. I’m obvs going back tomorrow. Can’t wait. Oh, sidenote – my mom’s not too thrilled. I told her a few years ago that I want to train and become a pro cagefighter, and she laughed it off/got sad saying that I’d get hurt and it’s dangerous. When I told her yesterday that I signed up?? “Why can’t you just do something safe?!” lol Sorry, I love our crafts and photography classes, but this is my calling, mom. She’ll be front row at my competitions, I’m sure. Oh yeah – this gym has a team that competes on like pro and amateur circuits and the owner asked if I want to compete. (yikes – a lot different from training; I could do it though and think I’ll try it & surprise myself)

Ok, ok. Gotta get to bed. Yay for things that make me happy and forget about my job/feelings! I can’t change my situation yet, but this helps a lot!

Best weekend ever

Saturday:

  • woke up and went to the Farmer’s Market with my dad (hooray fresh fruits & vegetables)
  • went to a bead show with my mom (nerds uniting with other nerds=amazing); got some fantastic things!!!
  • took the dogs to the groomer’s and they look adorable
  • cleaned my entire house including mopping/Swiffering and lots of laundry; I even used a screwdiver to put something together.
  • rewarded myself with *one* day off from the gym, pizza & beer, and Netflix/YouTubing lots of beading projects

Sunday:

  • woke up and went directly to the craft store with my list per Saturday night research
  • hyperventilated & was overwhelmed by the amazingness that is the craft store – it made me want to be the most creative person ever; had to cut the trip short…
  • went to the local community day with my mom; lots of walking in gorgeous weather; peoplewatching from a perfectly placed bench; a gourmet cupcake eaten while strolling; and watching a local dance team perform. I also found a vendor making pretty kitchen gadgets – I snagged a decorative coffee scoop that has a bag clip attached to the back of it! Two problems I face in my everyday life resolved via a pretty gadget. But the 2 highlights: I spotted a local martial arts place with their vendor tent displaying pink boxing gloves. Clearly I’m intrigued and it was like a romantic movie – at the same time that I was already walking over to find out more, one of the employees reached out and handed me a card for 2 free kickboxing classes and had me enter to win said gloves. I mentioned that I used to kickbox, have been trying to get back into it, and that I actually have pink gloves. She said “awesome, you’re already ready,” asked when the best nights of the week are for me, and told me someone will contact me. I. AM. PUMPED. I’ve been in a fitness slump/plateau lately and this is perfect timing. I used to go to the class at my gym, but this is much more convenient so I don’t have to rush from work. And I think it’ll be more hardcore. Second awesome thing: stumbling upon an Alex and Ani store. I have been on a stacking/arm candy HIGH for about a year now, and this store is the mecca of stacking. I was already pretty excited over all of the new bracelets I’d be making with yesterday’s haul, but then…this just topped it off. I can’t even describe it, but you should check out their website and prepare to want one of each. My mom was just as excited and said we’ll be going back. Here’s what I got:

my motto

  • I managed to tear myself away from the sparkly things, went back to the craft store, and did some damage. All of the beading stuff was 40% off and I had coupons for 40% off the two regular priced items. It was like they knew I was coming to buy everything. And just as I was stressing out over all of the ugly organizers/carriers, this baby jumped off of the shelf. It’s pink, portable, and has perfect compartments for my needs? SOLD.


  • left the craft store (skipping) and did some serious cardio at the gym to repent for the weekend’s indulgences…
  • came home and instead of opening up my work laptop, I organized my accessories:

apparently scarves are my “signature”

love long necklaces

  • took a nap after all of this and just woke up. Why? Because I am DREADING going to work tomorrow, it’s making me beyond sad, soo I’m staying up doing things that make me happy for as long as possible to postpone reality for just a little longer. Fingers crossed because I can’t handle another day in that place and sent out some great job apps…

Also, Saturday night I got into a web design book because I’ve been wanting to redo my site. But ever since I started this blog like 7 months ago, I’ve been disgusted and frustrated with all of the free templates. So instead of paying someone $150 for their creation, I’m going to try on my own. Just add that to my list of hobbies:

– photography
-bracelet making
-writing
-fitness/kickboxing/every activity I can
-reading
-cooking (ish)

(where do I get all of this energy and enthusiasm from??)

Clearly, I’ve been doing a superb job at distracting myself from my love life / work woes. I just have to keep throwing my energy into the things I love and I won’t have time to dwell on those crappy things. Am I a complete geek? Yep. Not even sorry. These are the things that make me happy and if getting excited over them keeps me from crying every day, or gives me something to look forward to when it seems like things can’t get worse, well then that’s awesome 🙂 I’m patting myself on the back for making my own happy, and having a productive/joy-filled weekend of upgrades and little things.

P.S. – I spend a lot of time with my parents and I love it.

You can’t fake…or hide true happiness

Notice I said true – over the years, I’ve become a PRO at pretending to be happy in awful jobs and relationships past their expiration dates.

But 2 key events have led me to this conclusion this week:

1) Monday, my manager asked me something health & fitness related, and mid-sentence she stopped me and said “Wow, your eyes just lit up right now – I’ve never seen you this excited about anything, you must really love this stuff. Why aren’t you working in health & fitness?!” So then I told her that I was actually accepted into a really good Nutrition program 3 years ago, but my mom convinced me to stay in Finance for the stability. She kinda made a sad face. I guess you’re supposed to keep telling your boss that Finance/your job is your passion, but whatev. I know not everyone would openly admit to that not being the case, and it’s not like I said “I’d rather be doing that…” Because that would prompt a “well be on your way.” Anyways, just really funny to me that I got called out on it since I make it a point to be super enthusiastic when speaking about anything with her, especially work-related – a girl’s got bills. Just because I hate my job doesn’t mean I’m ok with being without a paycheck lol

2) Going along with that, something huge happened today – apparently that co-worker I don’t like has been telling my manager that I’m miserable and regret ever taking this new job. Accurate? Yes. But who the hell is he to be saying that?? We’re not close AT ALL and I make it a point to watch what I say around the blabber mouth. So how did I find this out today? I guess he made some gesture to her, started laughing, and then she said to me “Do you hear this guy over here? He’s saying he’s convinced that you hate being here. Is that true?! Do you hate being here??” MY HEART SANK into my stomach. She asked me point blank so that everyone could hear, even her bosses. I couldn’t even look her in the eye. All I could manage was to shake my head, laughing it off, and muttering “oh geez, no no” through gritted teeth. OMG it was the worst moment ever. It was like she was staring directly into my soul and could read all of my thoughts. I thought I hid it so well!!!! Even when I’m at my desk on the verge of tears, I make an extra effort to seem like I want to be there and help the team in any way with any task. Lies. All lies. I guess I can’t hide it as well as I thought…or I’m more miserable than I thought.

So there it is – my true motives and desires have been exposed. I feel so vulnerable. It’s kinda been my little secret and I’ve just gotten into the habit of hiding it. It’s just funny to me for both of these events to happen within a few days. Argh. Just more signs and reinforcement that this New Life/Get Your Dream Job thing is not a joke. I gotta make this happen.

All new everything

On a related note…

 

Since most of the aforementioned things aren’t quite feasible (there’s that damn logic again), I’m currently settling for:

  • stepping up my workouts
  • cleaning up my diet (I’m good like 75% of the time, but then there’s emotional eating…); thanks to meal plans and signing up for BJ’s (hello hummus packs, baby carrots by the pound, and individual soymilk servings!), I’m going to cleanse it out. I really do feel better when I don’t eat crap carbs and so much dairy. I drink a lot of milk and eat yogurt daily, but it makes me feel huge lol (tmi) And watching Forks Over Knives will change your life. I tried soymilk twice and hated it, so considering soy/almond milk is crazy – will report back.
  • cleaning up my…closet. I don’t even want to admit how much crap I have in my walk in closet and guest bedroom closet – they’re packed. Ask me how much of it I actually wear? Maybe 10% max. Time to clean it out and start fresh. I really don’t buy a lot of fun, new stuff; 1) I’m too busy buying dog stuff/electronics 2) Nothing fits me and I’m picky 3) I’ve realized that I put zero effort into dressing for work since I DREAD going there; I wake up most mornings choking back tears so if I manage to get out of the house in something that remotely matches/the first clean thing I see, then it’s a good day. But with new job?? Oh, it’s on. Throwing out the crap to make room for some fanciness.

Today I felt…alive

After four hours of sleep, my alarm went off at 6:30. Now, if I were going to work, I would be miserable, and probably hit snooze. But this morning, I was excited and enthusiastic to get dressed. New sneakers, my favorite black spandex pants, college track hoodie, and my track backpack. I’ll admit – I freaked out for a minute – “What should I wear? I look like a student. I need to look like coach. Should I wear jeans and a hat instead? I need a stopwatch and a clipboard.” I didn’t know where either item was and figured it’d be a bit much anyways, so I settled for my running watch.

I got to the track meet and immediately felt all of the great high school memories come rushing back. What the absolute best years and moments of my life were filled with:

The starting gun and that feeling in your stomach
False starts (ha)
That look on the kids’ faces at the end of the 400 when all you want to do is puke/sit down
The extra push on the final straightaway when you’re blacking out but you hear your coach/teammate yell
Matching team outfits and group warmups
My parents always, always being there – my mom in the stands and my dad running around like a maniac taking pictures
Numbers on the chest bibs (that you gotta keep) and hip stickers

All of it. I miss all of it. THOSE were the good times – way better than college even. I had nothing else to worry about. No job, no mortgage, no bills, no heartbreak (really). Life was good.

So today was good because it brought together my three passions in life: health & fitness (track & field), volunteering, and writing (ok, just now but w/e). Given how crappy life has been the past few years, it was nice to feel…happy again. In the sense of maybe I should incorporate this more into my life. No, I can’t quit my job to become a coach/run myself again, but something…you gotta make room for the things that mean the most to break up the otherwise mundane life.

Everyone kept asking me why I don’t run anymore. “Because I graduated from high school and college??” But I do realize that some adults still run on the side. I mean, I’m already at the gym every day “training,” and most of my injuries have healed. I almost feel like I could be better now that I “know” a little more and what I’m capable of. I had to hold myself back from racing some of those kids. Call themselves running my times. Don’t make me school you…Ahem. But that is a new goal for the list – when I win the lottery or start making $300k a year, whichever comes first; I want to start a track club! That’s what all of the teams there today were – not through the kids’ schools, but like community things. I would want to just buy a big ol tour bus and let the kids join for free – sweats, uniforms, sneakers, spikes, travel/food/fees covered. How cool would that be? I know it sounds random/warm n fuzzy/cheesy, but this isn’t the first time I’ve really thought of it. If I really had my way, I would quit my job, and open my own gym/train for MMA (yes), and in my other time, go school to school to teach kids about health/fitness (like what the First Lady does – my shero). Whether it’s sports or school lunches, you really gotta work on that stuff with them. If you don’t start there, you get the obesity epidemic we have now. Not cute. I’ll get off my soapbox, that’s another post. In any event, that would be my health/fitness/volunteer thing, and thennn write about it for some fitness magazine/blog. The end. All I want out of life, for reals.

Anyways, today was awesome. Especially talking to the little 8 and 9 year olds – they all thought I was 18 and really cool (duh). I got one of the relay teams really excited when I asked who was running what leg and what I used to run, and when I asked what their favorite event was. I even had a heart to heart with a poor little distance runner that got thrown into the 4×200. Her teammates called her out on being scared and I told her to not be scared, it’s just one short lap; and that it’s cool that she can do distance, I just do 30 seconds and am tired. She smartly said “You just have to pace yourself!” So they went and ran, and actually won their heat by a lot. I’m not saying I change lives but…It was nice to see them and all of the kids so happy. IF I ever have kids, you better believe they’re running track (or whatever they want to do? sure…)