What I did today!

I haven’t been blogging much lately simply because I’ve been semi-depressed. Just stuck and trying to deal with love life feelings & work & misc. I already hate work, and this week is going to be pure hell – as in 14-hour days. I can’t. I’m currently chugging wine and staring at my work laptop across the room if that tells you anything.

SO. I’m going to focus on the (little) good for now – it was a good day and I’m feeling quite proud of myself right now.

I sprang out of bed early, and before I even thought about getting coffee, I cleaned out my garage, cleaned out my refrigerator and took out lots of trash (all things a guy could be helping with but whatev). I told myself I’d go to the gym later (I didn’t go yesterday due to shopping) but realized that the later in the day it gets, the less likely I am to go on the weekends – it’s much easier to go during the week at any time of day. So instead of kidding myself, I went right over after cleaning without a break and did some serious intervals on the treadmill AND 5 sets of pull-ups after. Booyah.

Came home, showered, and let myself watch men’s Olympic water polo. Good Lord, I have a newfound love for that sport. Mmm. Er, I mean, I appreciate the athleticism required. Seriously though, that has to be hard since they can’t touch the bottom of the pool. Anywho, while watching (drooling) I made a grocery list. I’ve been on this kick to make Sunday dinners…just for myself. I usually don’t cook since it’s just me, and well, it takes a lot of time/effort usually. Not that I’m lazy…I guess I’m usually just in the mindset that if you’re not a foodie and really into it, you’ll create something not fit for human consumption. But thanks to Pinterest and some lovely blogs, I’ve found delicious and healthy recipes to try. I’ve also decided a) I’m 26 years old and have a house – time to grow up, you’re on your own and not in college anymore b) even though you have no one to cook for, throw those extras in some Tupperware and take it for lunch, and c) you clearly have the time on the weekends to cook, and let’s face it, avoiding dating has given you even more time; & you’re always looking for something to put your energy into instead of thinking too much and crying over him…again.

I’m all about distractions 🙂 So last week I made some amazing chicken AND baked some muffins for breakfast. Tonight I made the best one yet:

http://iowagirleats.com/recipes/summer-veggie-pasta-skillet/

Seriously. This is not a game.

I almost cried it was so good. And I made it! Kinda fulfilling. And I’m always looking for ways to get more veggies into my diet (we all need to). This is also coming on the heels of a trip to Whole Foods yesterday – I’m in love. Just coming through the doors made me instantly feel like I wanted to recycle something, plant a tree, and become a vegan, then and there. I usually eat pretty healthy, recycle a lot, live in a green community, and avoid plastic bags/bottles like no other. But these people are hard-core. Organic everything? Compost piles? I do my part, but I can’t give up buying makeup at Sephora or using Lysol lol. Yet Whole Foods just makes you want to be a better person. I’ve been on (another) a self-improvement kick for about 6 weeks now; taking vitamins, doing new, consistent workouts at the gym (& getting swimsuit compliments!), and even making lots of smoothies…with spinach and protein powder. Gasp. So I think I’ll make some more trips to Whole Foods & Trader Joe’s, especially since not everything is crazy expensive. Again, lots of refocusing my energy into me and being a better person instead of letting work / love sorrows get me down. I’ve let that keep me from blogging, but maybe I’ll force myself to come on here to drop whatever little good there is 🙂

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Something that has been bothering me for the past two months…

In a meeting at the end of December, I was complaining to my manager discussing my job search frustrations when she asked what the status of my search was.

I basically said something along the lines of: it’s complete CRAP that I’ve busted my ass the past 2 years not only working harder than anyone else here, but also finishing grad school while working 55-hour weeks at the same time; all while watching complete slackers and morons schmooze their way out of the department into better jobs. And to add insult to injury, all of you fools here have the audacity to say something about my new lack of enthusiasm (for obvious reasons) and its effect on my performance, while at the same time announcing that I have better stats than everyone else.

And this chick had the nerve to say: “Well, you know – you should be glad. You’ve accomplished a lot more than I had at your age. I didn’t even go to college.”

At the risk of sounding like a brat, it’s not my fault that you chose the life you chose. You could have done something else. I choose to strive for more – that’s me. It doesn’t make me better than ANYONE, I just chose to do the things I’ve done in an effort to avoid the crappy situation I’m in, so yes – it sucks when your hard work doesn’t pay off and others are rewarded for slacking. That’s a slap in the face. So don’t you dare sit here and try to make me feel better and say “Oh, well – you might not be where you want to be, but you’ve already done a lot!” Bitch, please.

This is something significant that I’ve realized in my last few years of maturing. It’s all relative. “Making it” for some people could be making $20,000 a year and being ok with not ever buying a house. Me – I’m shooting for six figures. And it’s important to me to own a home. (It happened about five years too soon, but whatever.) The point is that “good enough for you” isn’t good enough for me. I can’t measure you by my standards – that’s not fair. So for her to do that to me, just rubbed me the wrong way. I refuse to apologize for wanting what I want from life. And I damn sure won’t settle and say “oh, it’s ok. I can just stop now, I guess I have done a lot. I should be happy.” Not happening. No, financial achievements don’t equal happiness for me, but I believe in working hard and living the life you want as a result. That’s how my parents raised me. They did too good a job of enforcing the whole “you can be anything you want to be!” thing. Now they got me all ambitious. Why couldn’t you people just raise me to have lower standards?, geez. Giving me role models and such…

In conclusion: Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Don’t let the haters dull your shine. Ever.

New Job

Pros

  • It’s across the parking lot from my current building, so change in commute is zero. I don’t hate being 10 minutes from work.
  • I’ll get paid more
  • As my mom put it, I keep my “seniority.” So I keep my vacation time/benefits and stuff. Good to not have to start at square one in a company as a newbie
  • It’s not my current job (CRUCIAL.)

 

Cons

  • It’s still not EXACTLY what I want to do, but it’s experience I guess
  • My brain is going to hurt
  • I can kiss the rest of my life goodbye – these people work 12-hour days on the REG. It was nice knowing you, Sleep.
  • I kind of have a foul taste in my mouth over working in an area that was RUDE to me for a while; this should be one of those situations where you say “Way to go!! You never gave up!” But I’m really just like…get over yourselves…but thanks for hiring me?

 

And you know what’s funny? When I realized I’d get a pay increase, my initial thought was “yess, I get to put more money into savings each month!” When I told my mom, she asked me “Ooh – so what’s the first thing you’re going to buy?!” I was kind of offended, and got the serious tone with her like “whoa, slow down – I’m not even about that, mother.” Am I growing up?! This doesn’t feel right. lol