Oh, happy day

Y’all – something big happened today. This is a bit nerdy, but if you’ve ever been working towards a skill, you’ll get it; if you’re a CrossFitter, you’ll definitely get it.

Today I did my first pull-ups in a WOD without a band assistance. So this has been me all day long:

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th_KermitFreakingOut

 

I started CrossFit four months ago and thought that this was one of the most intimidating things to do. Especially since I was a bit scarred from having to do them in grade school and college, and I sucked while everyone else did them with ease…(hoist myself up with my puny arms? Like, my whole body weight? Psh, you crazy. Why would I ever want to do that?)

So I’ve been practicing about twice a week. Practice them til my arms burned…then did some more. Plus, the whole kipping motion is awkward. Who knew that whole “practice practice practice” thing actually works?! (Think of all the things I could’ve done by now if I had listened as a kid…I could be President.)

So yeah, I’m kinda proud. And my heart smiled when our coach and fellow members cheered me on (totally had to play it cool). I’m looking forward to conquering more things and continuing to get better and stronger every day.

 

THAT is why I CrossFit – it seems like a cult lol But for me to give 101% in my career and love life, and still get crapped on…and then have something like this to turn to where your hard work pays off and NO ONE can get in the way of that…it’s amazing. Don’t know what I’d do without it.

30 Before 30

So my recent 27th birthday has caused me to realize that I’m making the turn from mid-twenties to late twenties, also known as Looming Death & Turning 30.
Thirty is a big deal – nothing really happens after 21, you just sort of cruise through your twenties without a milestone. Then BAM – 30 smacks you in the face causing you to re-evaluate your entire life if you haven’t gotten married, had kids, or established a career.

I can’t say too concerned about turning 30 – as I’ve said before, I think I’d actually pat myself on the back for being strong if I happen to still be single then (read 99% chance). The things I will freak out about?? If I’m still stuck in a career I despise and if I’m not a mom. The first shouldn’t be too hard, but the second entails the whole marriage thing so, eh…

In any event, I bought a Smash Journal over the weekend – perfect for where I am since I like to write/create things/document things and am doing more photography. (Again, all of my hobbies to distract me from misery) The journals often feature lists like top 10s. I love a good list (I make about 5 a day, it’s how I survive and stay “sane”). So all of these factors taken together, along with New Year’s Resolutions coming up…I’ve got some work to do.

I’ve seen a few 30 Before 30 posts and bucket lists floating around the Internet and blew them off – “Ick, that’s SO far away, whatever…” But guess what? I’m in my late twenties now (is 24-25 mid & 27-29 late??) and 30 is right around the corner. I’ve been inspired to create my own 30 Before 30 list and spend three years tackling it, which is a good pace spread out. I’m still finalizing the list, but I found comfort in noticing that I’ve actually already done a good amount of significant things:

Bungee jump
Get a tattoo
Learn how to live alone
Get a master’s degree
Tell a boy you love him
Own your own home
Swim with dolphins
Learn to walk away from a crappy job
Learn to forgive
Take a dance class
Put a baby to sleep
Go to dinner/a movie alone
Hit on the hottest guy in the bar

So yeah, not too bad – a good foundation. I’m looking forward to lots more. And getting out of this quarter-life crisis; hopefully this list will serve as a guide/help keep me on track and focused!

On Turning 30

In 3 years and 3 months, I’ll be 30 years old.

 

I’m nowhere near being married or having kids – I should be freaking out over this, right?

 

But I’m not. I keep seeing some quote about your twenties being your “selfish” years – which is really true but I think most people take that for granted and throw it away. They end up divorced by 29, or married by 24 with a few kids and they’re left sitting and wishing that they had more time to “do it up” or live out some dream.

 

So I’m trying to focus on that and not the big scary number looming over my head. After all, I haven’t done all that bad – I bought my house when I was 24 and finished grad school when I was 25. Although I despise it, I have a decent job. I’ve managed to avoid having unexpected kids as well as getting married too early to the wrong guy. All good things, I’d say.

 

I’m not saying that if these things have happened to you, then that makes you a bad person…not at all. I believe everything happens for a reason, and as long as you’re happy with your life, then awesome. To each his own! Some people sought out being married by 24 – good for you. As long as you don’t regret it.

 

The point is that 30 is a big milestone – we’ve talked about this a few times at work lately: a college intern inspired all of us, his elders, as he told us about his already successful company; and our manager just turned 31 and mentioned that she was supposed to have accomplished so much more by now.

 

Over the past few months, I’ve been thinking about doing something “big” – like I need some symbolic, significant feat to accomplish. After all, I have something to stamp on 24 and 25. For some reason, running a marathon kept popping into my head. Don’t get me wrong, I am a fitness nut and have always been an athlete; I’m always looking for a new activity to try and challenge my body. But “marathon” to me is a 4-letter word. I ran track for 10 years, but running anything over 400 meters is just torture. Yeah, I’ll go out for a run to clear my head or do intervals on the treadmill, but I’ve never EVER said “wow, that 10 miles felt great!” It’s just crazy to me. I prefer speed not distance. So I truly admire those who can run such distances as 13 or 26 miles…

 

It seems like so many people I know choose doing a marathon as a big goal in their lives – to jumpstart a new fitness regimen, lose weight, or running for a worthwhile charity. I mean it is a big thing – you can’t just wake up one day and decide to do it – it takes months of training. Which I love…just not when it ends with running miles on end.

 

Scrapping that, and given the fact that I HATE my job and have been looking for a way out, I’ve been left with 2 things: moving to a new city and starting over (which was largely prompted by my heart being broken, but the job thing too), and becoming a millionaire by the age of 30 (cliche, I know). I’ve kinda been on the fence about the whole moving thing lately – yeah, I still want to do it, but getting a job 1,000 miles away has proved to be nearly impossible. So still a goal I’m working towards, just on the backburner. So then I thought, hey – what can I do, here and now? Something I can work on right where I am with what I’ve been given – something that won’t require a drastic move but is still moving me towards my ultimate goal of getting out of the corporate world and into my dream career of health & fitness. Due to market research, it’s not really feasible for me to open a gym in this area; but what I can do, something that’s universal and would be a perfect complement to my gym venture…is food. My inner nutritionist coming out, I thought up an amazing health food idea. Can’t share the deets because someone will steal it. I’m pretty proud of myself because I’m not really creative, and I’m often left saying “wow, why didn’t I think of that?” I think this is one of those things – it seems like something that people across the country would gravitate toward. I really think I could do it. And I’d get to use my business background too. I started today by asking my dad how to go about getting patents (since he’s a science geek and actually has some of his own). The only problem is getting funding. Bah, can’t I have a sugar daddy just throw me like $20,000 seed money to get this off the ground? I gotta get this thing going if I plan on being a millionaire by 30. Three solid years – I think that’s a decent timeframe to make this work. Time to hustle.

 

I just keep envisioning myself getting the business to a stable point where I can finally quit my job. *sighs* So beautiful. Telling everyone to KMA?! Even if it’s just in my head, that will give me SUCH wonderful satisfaction – I don’t need you nor do I have to put up with your shit anymore. Yes, let that be my motivation – not the money, or potential fame (ha) – but telling the corporate world “peace out” forever. That is what I need to keep my eyes on. I’ve never ever wanted to be my own boss or have my own business, but if it’s my way out of the corporate world, I’ll do what it takes. Which should actually be more fun than work since it’s working on something I actually love and am passionate about.

 

So that’s it – my plans for the next few years. To make the most of my twenties so I don’t look back and regret anything. If love/marriage/kids happen to wedge their way in there along the way…I wouldn’t hate it. But they’re nowhere on my list and I’m ok with that. Yeah, I want them, always have…but they’re not something I’m going to “work towards” – I think those things work out best when you let them happen instead of forcing them. Seeking out love often results in disappointment and frustration – always happens to me when I’m not looking. But when I try to date (like this past month) and put myself out there, I get hit with losers that initially seemed great. Even if I go in with no expectations, it always sucks when things don’t work out. I don’t have time to be bogged down with that if I’m trying to do big things over here! No, I’m not some career woman that doesn’t have time for love – a good man, I will make time for; having my energy and inspiration zapped by some loser when it should be going towards my dreams – zero time for that. Which is why I focus on tasks at hand and if someone is bold enough to step up, make me see they’re worth my time, and happen to support my goals? Well, then…that’s cool.

 

I’ve rambled enough and will leave you with some awesome inspirational graphics, a.k.a. my mantras I keep repeating and can be seen as my iPhone wallpaper rotation.

 

The Princess Frog?! One of my top 3 fav movies & I find it relatable – not even sorry.

New Year’s Resolutions

Oh, hi – it’s the first day of September. There are suddenly four months left in the year. Where did the time go? I don’t know, but it seems like we were all just ringing in 2012 and being all optimistic and setting lofty goals. How did you do with yours? Did it get dropped after three weeks? If so, there’s still time, right? Even if it’s not for all of 2012, at least it’s good to make positive lifestyle changes at any time.

Ok, enough of the Suzy Sunshine, but it is true. I’m happy to say that I accomplished most, but not all of my resolutions. At least I knocked the big ones off my list. And then at the end of May, I set another goal: that by the end of August, I’d have a new job in Atlanta, and move 1500 miles away to start a new life, pursue my dreams, and most importantly, forget about a certain someone breaking my heart. Yesterday…that deadline came and went. So sad. haha I should pat myself on the back for at least making the effort and trying to make things happen, but I feel kinda eh about it. Again, it’s not too late, but it really does suck that it didn’t happen after I thought I allowed a reasonable timeline.

Maybe there’s a good reason. It doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen – maybe now just wasn’t a good time. I’m a big believer in the whole everything happens for a reason thing. Yeah, it sucks, but it is what it is. And usually when you get to where you want to be, you’re able to look back and say “ohh, that’s why I was miserable for all those months.”

And you know what? Even though the past eight months have brought me heartache, pain, disappointment, stress, anger, and loss of faith in, well, people; I gotta believe it all happened for a good reason. The whole “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” thing (man, could I break out any more cliche sayings? And yes, I’m singing Kelly Clarkson in my head) With love: now that I’ve dealt with the WORST, I figure anything that any other guy could throw at me will be a walk in the park. With work: now that I’ve seen how shitty the corporate world is and how it works, and have had terrible experiences…at least now it’s clear and confirmed for me that I really need to pursue my dreams and get out because it’s not the place for me.

See? Silver lining. And I’d been meaning to blog about it, but until Thursday, I’d been on a super wave of positivity. A lot of things going well despite not everything being where I want it to be/where it should be. With love: I put myself back out there as much as I didn’t want to, and have met some good people/reconnected with others. No, nothing to write home about or make me change my stance on marriage/relationships, but it has managed to make me forget about ol what’s-his-name. I can’t say that the pain is completely gone, but at least I’m over it…in the sense that it doesn’t really upset me anymore/it’s become second nature to not think about him like that. So kinda mourning the loss of a key person in your life, but minus the sting of the situation & what was said. And then with work: yes, I still DREAD going in every day, and I still feel myself wanting to scream and run away from my desk from working with crappy people/the realization that I’m underpaid and more qualified and should be elsewhere…but I’ve done a great job at faking it. I mean great – laughing and joking with everyone, acting like I want to be there and going the extra mile, etc. So I asked myself the other day: wait…you’re not actually starting to like this, are you?!?! The answer was a firm hellll no. But what I have liked and done is three things: 1) Remind myself that it is a job, and without it, I couldn’t have all the things I love (like my house and gadgets); and I should be grateful to have one. 2) Remind myself that I’m kind of a boss, and even when I’m thrown into a situation that I’m not prepared for and completely despise, I make the most of it and work hard anyways. I don’t know how to not work hard – that’s what I do. I completely hate what I do, and it’s not what I went to school for, but I’ve still made an effort to learn and do well. Because I never want to be that girl that people label as lazy or unreliable. When someone asks me to do something, in my head I roll my eyes, say that I really don’t have any idea how to do this nor do I care enough to figure it out, and why don’t you ask someone who knows how to do it; I didn’t go to school for this and I’m way underpaid so really you people don’t deserve my efforts – I’m really about to give you the effort that coincides with what you pay me…BUT instead, I politely smile and enthusiastically say “sure, I can do that,” even though it inevitably ends in me stressing out and trying to figure some shit out & getting 3 hours of sleep because I took my laptop home to work on dumb shit. Why? Because that’s all I know. I just work hard even when people don’t deserve my all. WOW, that sounds like most of my relationships…

Anyways, the point is that going on bad dates and putting up with shit at work…I do it because I’ve been making a real effort this year to make the best out of what I have. These are the shitty cards you’ve been dealt; no, it shouldn’t be you; yes, you’ve worked hard to be elsewhere, but darn it, it could be a lot worse. It can only get better, be patient, and dwelling on how shitty it is will NOT make it better. In fact, focusing on the little (teeny) good parts to your day, will make those days a little more bearable. I get annoyed when people say “you’re in charge of your own happiness, happiness is a choice, etc.” But I guess it’s better to say you have control over your outlook and the way you handle things. Yeah, I think all men are trash and I’ve been shown nothing but that…doesn’t mean I can’t hang out with a guy and (try to) let myself have fun and be open to someone proving me wrong.

So what am I going to do the rest of the year to make these months count? Next weekend I’m going to LA for a family reunion (airports, obscene amounts of Southern food, and an event yielding a free t-shirt? I’m in.) October…I have it in my head that some cute guy will take me apple picking (in my cute riding boots/jeans/scarf ensemble) and the Halloween party is at my house this year (I already planned it on a Pinterest board, duh. Best hostess ever) November=Thanksgiving/something else I’ll dream up. December=my 27th birthday (I need to throw a party) and Christmas of course.

Let’s make it good, people.