A roller coaster day

Does anyone else take a two-hour nap after work and before bed? I just woke up from one.

I hope that gives you an idea of how the past 2 days have been. I’m drained.

First – new job is AWESOME. Everyone is super nice and helpful, really knows their stuff. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for and I really feel like I’m in the right place finally. I spent most of yesterday meeting everyone/a two-hour lunch at a nice seafood restaurant. All day today was training in a classroom on all of the systems and a few processes – same thing tomorrow. I forgot how rough sitting in class and paying attention is – all the coffee.

So I’ve been on this new job high…was feeling good after leaving the gym this morning, looking forward to another day at work…then boom – a very unexpected text from The One. That’s right – that guy. I haven’t talked to him in over, hmm, 16 months?? My heart sank. It was just a nice “hope all is well.” And usually I ignore any messages for fear of feelings resurfacing after I’ve worked so hard to suppress them and heal. But I realized that I’m in a really good place and strong enough to handle it; and I don’t like being a jerk, so I replied with a nice “you too.” Short and sweet. Let’s leave it at that. Got another text in the afternoon…and we ended up spending the day catching up on each other’s lives. It’s like nothing ever happened – no weird air or tension. Lots of laughs. Comfortable. Effortless. -sigh- Then he asks how my parents doing. Ironically…at that very moment…turns out…

My parents were in a meeting for getting a divorce. Yep, I’m serious. My mom told me indirectly after work – not “hey we had a meeting today bc this is happening,” but just about how things got ugly and they were bickering. It’s a mixture of emotions – relief and heartache at the same time. They’ve both been unhappy for a while, so no surprise. I know this isn’t a big deal bc plenty of people have had their parents split up, but usually when they’re little and don’t know what’s going on. I’ve heard it’s worse when you’re older bc you actually understand the underlying feelings and feel pressure to side. Ugh…that’s a whole nother post. Don’t feel like crying right now, and I need to read stuff for work (after Catfish goes off!)

Thank you for all of the well wishes! You’re gorgeous – all of you 🙂


Shit got really real at work today.

Someone is trying to tell me something.


When I first started new job 6 weeks ago, I thought: “This isn’t what you want; but it’s better than old job; so shut up, roll with the experience, and start looking for something else in a few months.” (& my mom said the same thing…)
After a few days I thought: “Wow, this is hard…in a good way…and everyone is awesome; maybe I could stick with this for a while after all since there’s a good chance it will lead to the opportunity I really want.”
And yesterday, I was all like: “Fuck this. I’ve worked too hard to be where I am; I know success isn’t overnight, most people would say I’ve been successful, and it’s still better than old job, but I’m still settling – get me outta here and not just because it’s hard/a bad day.”


Ironic timing – today things got real. This was my first week of taking on accounts for someone who just left the team and I’ve just finished training for that. TODAY, we found out a second person is leaving the team, so now I have to take on those accounts too. And they’re a much larger quantity/complexity.


This is a big deal because there essentially have already been a few strikes:
1. I came into this at a disadvantage because I didn’t study/work in accounting like everyone else. So I’ve had to work extra hard to get my finance brain around all that (but the managers say I’ve been learning quickly…even though I still feel like I’m kinda lost…then again I guess I’m just a boss…kinda how I roll lol)
2. Just learning these first accounts has been rough
3. It’s not like I’ve even had these accounts for a month or so – at least that’d be basis for moving on to the harder ones


So at first when my manager told me that taking on this stuff would call for even longer hours & more effort/work, I was like:


BUT THEN. She explained that I also have to train a new person on my “old” accounts. So while I smiled calmly on the outside, I was really like:

So you mean to tell me that you’re going to have the non-accounting person who JUST finished training and hasn’t had accounts for more than a few days to take on complex ones AND train someone on stuff she is still kinda trying to get her head around? OH, OK. That sounds like a plan. Not that we really have an option at this point…


But then my manager gleefully says “this is the opportunity of a lifetime and will no doubt get you to your ultimate goal within a year.” So I should feel like “yay! Finally! My hard work is paying off and it’s about to happen – this is why I was brought here, and although I planned on getting something else, especially yesterday, there’s a reason why something else didn’t come along – because what I’ve been looking for is right in my lap – and the ultimate opportunity just revealed itself – I just needed patience, everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah.”


So while I’m trying to be all like “psh, whatever. Still sucks that I have to jump through yet another hoop while I’ve already put in more work than most people and I should be further along,” I can’t help but feel a little excited and inspired. Instead of being like F-M-L, I feel the urge to step my game up, put my big girl panties on, and do. work.


My mind is blown. This is all happening so fast. Probably sounds a bit dramatic but whatev. And I’m kinda looking forward to getting to travel to NYC every now and then (or move there). Leggo.