How Lauren Got Her Groove Back

So a couple hours ago after I left the gym, I came home to shower and had my tropical body wash going with Rihanna’s “What’s My Name” blaring. I guess the scent and the steel drums put me in quite the Caribbean zone for a second, and I got excited when I remembered that I’ll be in the Bahamas on Saturday. And for some reason, I pictured some greased up muscular man walking in slow motion towards me down the beach. Kinda like this:

(I google-imaged “Bahama man,” fyi.)

And then I envisioned us in the club later that night. And I quickly had an ‘aha’ moment: maybe that’s just what I need right now. I’m 26, single, feeling good from my workouts, and just had my heart broken – I clearly need to take advantage and do something about this. I need to seize the opportunity and just let loose, have some fun, and forget about what’s his name (well, all of them). Then I quickly realized that I’m so incredibly repulsed by the male race right now, that I’m not capable of “just having fun,” which is kinda sad. More than likely, I’ll inhale 5 fruity umbrella drinks and end up crying in the sand somewhere over my heartache. OR, it could become liquid courage and I’ll give some hottie the time of day on the dance floor, wow him with my charm, reel him in, and then shut him DOWN. Not like I’ll ever have to see him again. Guys do it all the time, no big deal. The way I feel, the “maneater” is close to coming out for sure. So maybe this will be the perfect setting to do it in…(don’t judge me)

Speaking of which, on a very related note, I find it ironic that when I google-imaged “how stella got her groove”, one of the top results after the important one, was this:

which is a big deal because 1) I actually told someone today that I recently had a “Waiting to Exhale” moment and referenced this very scene; 2) I actually referenced Angela Bassett today because she is known for her killer arms, and I said that lately people have been acting like I have her arms. So yeah, it’s hilarious to me that Angela is basically my spirit animal right now, and every aspect of my life seems to be coming back to her today. Ha.


All I want right now:

  • for someone to bring me unlimited amounts of iced coffee on demand – I just ran out, need to study more, have a taste for it, and don’t feel like driving to get it
  • to not have to study anymore
  • to quit my job (no matter where I go, the corporate world is NOT pretty and I’m over it – it’s not a necessary evil; there are other things in life and I need to get there asap; I liked new job bc it isn’t old job, but now I’m realizing that it’s still corporate bs)
  • to travel the world
  • …so basically, those 3 are possible if (WHEN) I win the Powerball tonight.
  • to go to the gym again – I went this morning, tried some new moves, and am addicted. That’s my idea of fun (??) And I’ve always feared/hated pull-ups. Now I’m hooked because they’re giving me the arms I’ve always wanted and everyone keeps complimenting me – I don’t hate it.
  • …no really, this is a big deal – ten years of track and zero definition in my arms until this year – they were always just there and blah. lol
  • to have a job that requires me to walk around in spandex all day…my dream. I just want to have my own gym.
  • that if I still have to have a finance job, at least make it one that has me in a different city every week (are you noticing the pattern – I just need to gtfoh? yep.)
  • to let go of my anger towards him/relationships in general. it’s eating away at me and really not cute.
  • …actually, people in general are annoying me lately – oh, look at that, I just ignored a call lmao I just want to be left alone – I just have a lot of resentment/have lost faith in people, and kinda want to be left alone. Just let me be a hermit until I build up enough strength to deal with people’s crap again…
  • 6 days til the Bahamas – I just might not come back. As much as my urge to travel lately has been to go and see what the world has to offer, more and more it’s also to run away from my problems…not that you really can…because I’d be feeling the same stuff no matter what country I’m in – your feelings stay with you even if you’re not seeing certain people. I mean, I haven’t been seeing a lot of people lately, but I still have to deal with the emotions. But taking in new locations can serve as a great distraction, ya know?


Today was stupid. Not because it was a Monday, but because I tried really hard to make it a good one.


I was dragging in the morning and having super depressing thoughts about a few areas of my life that should be better. And the word I kept landing on was “patience.” That it’s a hard thing to have, and I’m pretty sure I have more of it than anyone I know. All I do is wait. Even after putting sooo much effort into things instead of waiting for them to come to me, I still wait. Then I started playing devil’s advocate in my head saying “well maybe you should wait longer; or, maybe you shouldn’t be waiting on this thing or that person.” This distinctive conversation went back and forth a good 20 times…


But then around 10am, I mentally slapped myself in the face and decided to make it a good day – things could be worse, right? And I’m sure those things you’re waiting on are worth it and all of your hard work/patience will be acknowledged some time soon, surely.


Then loved ones wanna be rude. AND MY BOSS WANTS TO JUMP DOWN MY THROAT WITH DUMB SHIT. IT GOT LOUD AND HEATED. This is a big deal because I take a lot of shit at work – I’m a polite girl. And I’ve learned to not speak up in this department because it will get you in trouble. They are always right, just nod and smile. BUT TODAY?! Not once, but twice, our managers asked me about the most insignificant things. The second time it happened, it was on.


If it’s some million dollar loss – ok, come at me. I deserve it. But for SOME DUMB SHIT that you literally only ask me about because the bitch that pulls the strings told you to?! And you’re new so you have no idea that we never address this issue in our department? And you still brought it to me when it will never come up again because I’m gone in 3 days? And there are never any issues with my stuff, but now in 1 day in my last 4 days, all of a sudden shit’s coming outta the woodwork?! KISS MY ASS.


So yes, I let angry black woman out. Because this was a long time coming. Everyone thinks you’re a complete moron; this was an insignificant thing; you really didn’t care but brought it up because you were told to; and ABOVE ALL ELSE – I don’t back down when I know I’m right, bitch. Don’t try me. Now, there have been similar situations before where I was a little more calm because again, you don’t ever want to disagree with these people. But today I realized, hell no – I know I’m right & today is different from the other days because now I have nothing to lose and it’s about time someone stood up. I’m tired of taking crap from you people, and if you’re going to step up, make it damn good.


Everyone in the department listening was like:


And agreed that she was wrong. Not that I needed the validation – I can tell on my own that I’m right, thank you. But it made me feel a little more sane.

(Side note – maybe you people wanna look into why FOUR people in our department quit in ONE month and the others are looking. Good luck with that.)


In conclusion – today pissed me off not for the stupidity (I mean, that’s every day), but because I tried to be optimistic. Then people wanna prove me right. SO DUMB. Going to hide…

All of the things on my mind right now:

  • how much I don’t want to study…
  • …especially because I still haven’t gotten a new job, so really, what’s the point of studying?
  • how amazing this Golden Girls marathon is (although I have the full series on dvd…)
  • how trying the triple espresso shot at Starbucks today was the best decision I’ve made in a long time
  • I’m DREADING going to work tomorrow
  • I really want to go hiking/bowling
  • I want to go ahead and buy that camera after holding it in the store today and take the local photography class and shoot lots of random things
  • I want to visit the museum I found online
  • and visit the local jazz place
  • …basically any new hobby/adventure that takes my mind off of how miserable my job/studying makes me and how much I miss someone and also want to punch them in the face.

The end.