I cried at the gyno today

Yes, really.

Just there for my annual visit, ya know. He walked in for the exam and it went something like this:

*examining chart* Ah, you’re 27 now! So young! So, so young! All looks good, let’s go ahead…
*starts exam*…breaks silence with:

Doc: So when are you having babies?? No babies yet, why not??”
Me: *nervous laughter/laugh it off, he can’t expect an answer, merely doing his job by reminding me in a casual way that my biological clock is ticking*
Doc: No, really – why haven’t you yet?
Me: *sighs – clearly he’s not letting this go…* Heh heh, well, I’d have to be married first and uh…yeah…
(I trail off to prevent myself from complaining about the dating pool/being scarred bc he’s in my ‘business’ so this isn’t the time or place)

*doc and assistant share a look of shock as if I just said something politically-charged*

Doc: Oh…so…you’re not even in a relationship? Not even on the way to being married?
Me: *pissed off at this point; but firmly state* NO, I actually have been single for a year and a half.
Doc: Ah, I see, so you actually have to find a guy, one that’s willing to be a dad, all that…
Me: *no response, thinking: yes, asshole it’s just that simple – I’m not looking for a sperm donor; call me crazy but I’d need someone that’s worth it andd happens to want kids…*

-exam ends-
I proceed to walk into his office for paperwork…

*awkward silence as he scribbles, I look around and act interested in the framed degrees…*
Doc: So – No relationship, no steady relationship?! You’re just sort of…
Me: *firmly bc he’s trying to make me out to be a slut with commitment issues* NO – I’ve been very single, keeping to myself and am not interested in anyone.
Doc: *cheerfully* Ah, yes well next time you can actually come see so-and-so assistant since you have no issues, and actually, so-and-so assistant is a midwife, so she can help you when you’re pregnant – yes, that’s perfect! I tell you what, you come and see midwife assistant next time, so that this time next year for your exam when you are pregnant, she can help you with all of that!
Me: *eyes filled with tears, tilting head back to not let them roll down my face…nod in agreement with a fake smile because I’m not about to argue with this man; I’m fed up and have no idea why you’re so invested and how you have the balls to assume I’ll be with child in a year – nothing about this conversation has suggested that, in fact I made it clear that I’m not going to anytime soon, not really by choice but because men are stupid and I refuse to settle*

I booked it out of his office. UGH. Let the tears flow in the car. Like I need another reminder of what I haven’t accomplished in my life but planned on doing. Just rubbing salt in the wound. Such a smack in the face. I guess he meant well, but seriously?! Again, I’m a strong girl, I make a habit of standing on my own and being comfortable with my own decisions despite others’ opinions…but yeah, I still have feelings lol And as much as I’m fine with not getting married…not having kids *killllllsss* me.

I can’t. Gn.


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