Soo the date went well

Awesome-fantastic, actually.

It was everything I had hoped for and then some.

It felt so nice to be treated like a princess. (Ugh, gross, I said it.) I forgot what it’s like.

It was just really…comfortable. But kinda first-date nervous at the same time…even though I’ve known him for years. There was just no effort to the conversation. Nothing forced, no awkward pauses or feeling like you needed to fill in some space with words. Simple stuff like having the door opened for me, being helped in and out of a cab, having my hand held…and the cuddling. Oh, the cuddling. Seriously, how did anyone let me go 8 months without that?!

Ahh. I know this all seems basic, but it was just really nice. And fun. And I felt really pretty. I don’t have self-image issues, but it’s not often that I’m all “ooh, girl you look good.” But last night I felt pretty and confident. Oddly enough, as I walked up to his front door, a 7-year-old girl on the sidewalk said “I like your outfit!” and then her little 5-year-old brother chimed in and said, “Yeah, I like your heels!” And I knew it was going to be a good night. I guess between slightly feeling it myself and being reinforced by fashion-savvy children, my confidence shown through or something. Because there was a moment…

Before heading out, we had a drink out on his balcony (nice view of the city skyline at night, hello?!). And he stopped me mid-sentence and said “You look really nice tonight.” There was an odd sincerity to this and he had that look in his eyes when he said it. Of course, awkward me who can’t take a compliment for anything, and also seeing this was a bit serious, and I can’t emotionally handle anything close to that right now, it scares me to death (kinda)…I just laughed it off and “heh, thanks…” But it was still nice to hear, I admit

I won’t go into all of the details (I don’t kiss and tell. ha.), but it was just awesome. Can’t say anything else. Just sitting here smiling. I guess the 2 real takeaways here are 1) How PROUD of myself I am for being open to this. As much as my heart hurts and I’ve been given every reason to hate every man ever, I was able to be…normal. Or as close to it as I’ll ever come haha. But I wasn’t sitting there with an attitude or anything. I let myself enjoy every moment instead of being on my phone the whole time and wishing I could go home; or more importantly, thinking about “him.” The one who shall not be named. I didn’t think about him once. Except for the taxi taking a surprise turn by his apartment and I almost DIED. Because I used to be there every weekend. Lots of good memories there…but not with a person worth those memories anymore. At the risk of sounding like a chick flick, maybe that was a sign for me – closure if you will. Like hey, you’re passing the guy that you held onto for so long, but the guy in the cab with you now is the one making a real effort after he screwed up. So turn your head back to him and hold his hand. (Yes, yes this is a cheesy movie; maybe it was the vodka). Oh yeah, and 2) Some people deserve a second chance. And you don’t always have to make it into some difficult, grand project the second go round. All I know is, if this becomes a “thing” again, or even if it’s really nothing, that’s ok. I’ll just focus on the now. Not what happened before, or what it will or should be…just how cool it feels now. And who knows, maybe if I ride this out, my cold heart can be fixed. I’m basically issuing the world a challenge – see if you can prove me wrong. Because I have no reason to believe in this shit anymore, but I’m not saying it’s impossible. I think it’s only possible if someone is able to step up to the plate and knock my socks off, and that will take quite the man. Because my experiences and standards have brought this little game to a whole new level. So try if you will. Humor me. Not a knight in shining armor type deal. More like a brave streetfighter of love (I mean, knight on a white horse is so done, so cliché romantic; too pretty boy prince that says the right words however cheesy they are. I need more of a UFC fighter – real ballsy, knows what he’s up against, but steps into the cage anyways. Only I would break out this analogy…)

Enough babbling…I will leave you with the few shots I was able to get on my way out the door…

I did a grey version of this!


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