I’m baaaacckk

In case you were worried. Basically, I have my life back now – the exam that I’ve been studying for/bitching about for the past 7 months? Took it on Saturday. Did I pass? Do I care? Am I thrilled to be done? Probs not, no, and YES. Hopefully the outcome will be irrelevant soon since I’m…

Still working on the whole move 800 miles away and live my dream thing. Listen: I am EXTREMELY proud of myself – I’ve been talking about it for so long, but now I’ve actually turned my words into actions. After lots of researching apartments and jobs/salaries/companies, I pulled the trigger on Sunday and applied to a bunch of jobs in Atlanta! I’m so excited. No, nothing is concrete yet, but I really like grabbing life by the…er, taking control of your future and doing things you said you’d never do…in the midst of a quarter-life crisis.

Not to mention that I’m growing less and less fond of new job every day. Yeah, I still like the “challenge” and most of the people are really nice and smart, but there is one asshole I just can’t deal with, and I can’t avoid the interaction, and this is saying a lot because I get along with anyone. Yeah, I make a special effort to get along with him too and act like it for the most part, but it is clear that everyone else thinks he’s an asshole so I don’t feel so bad. Kill em with kindness. And I won’t lie – every time I feel the sharp words rising up inside me to throw a shot back at him, it’s nice to take comfort in the thought: “wow, I am SO glad that soon I won’t have to deal with you anymore!” Clearly, I don’t want to leave because of him (I can go toe to toe, don’t try me; the managers still talk about how I threw some words at him, thankss). But not having to deal with him, working in something more in line with where I should be, getting a pay increase to save up, and duh – Atlanta…all great reasons to peace out. Also, the department has become a bit of a disorganized crapstorm. I’ve only been there for 2.5 months, but soo much has happened and that doesn’t make newcomers feel too comfortable, seeing everything crumbling around you. Good to roll out before I get comfortable / in too deep (like a bad relationship) It may be short-lived, but at least I haven’t had to be miserable in old job for the past few months, and I’ll still count this as a good experience…

So yeah – moving towards living my dream is pretty awesome. Sure, I’ve only taken the first step, but it kinda makes your day a little brighter: “hope” I think they call it. And no, I can’t jump directly into it once I move down there, I’m being realistic – but the beauty is that even in the interim, my life will be a million times better. Just that new start/fresh feeling – I’m looking forward to taking in new surroundings and feeling cleansed of all of the emotional bullshit that old job and a couple of relationships have dropped on me. Not running away from my problems – just embracing newness and all that comes along with it: like my dream job. But not those people/feelings, they don’t get to come along.

On the boy front: I think I have a mutual crush situation happening in my building?! Some new guy. Hot. Tall. Dresses well. HOT. I mean, he initiated conversation with me…twice in the past 6 days. (we caught each other checking the other out; yeah.) No, I don’t know his name, and yes, I will accept an inviation to a romantic dinner. Or just lunch in the caf, whatev. My mother is relieved that I still have a “giddy” pulse, and I guess I even surprised myself – even after the past year’s events, I still have a heart? What, what’s this? It’s such an odd feeling, considering I’ve been dead on the inside for a while. NO, PEOPLE. Let’s all calm down – I still am repulsed by the thought of a relationship/still have the same stance on not wanting to get married. But hey – I still appreciate some eye candy – especially when it’s conveniently placed in my office buliding for daily enjoyment. I like to look…just keep them at arm’s length: You’re hot, and I’m sure you’re a nice guy…but I’m emotionally unavailable, bye!

I love myself.

Also…exes have been coming out of the woodwork this week. “Sorry, I’m caught up in a non-existent, emotion-free relationship with a guy in my office building. I don’t know his name, but it’s pretty serious.”

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One thought on “I’m baaaacckk

  1. Lauren, I wanted to write this before but got caught up – reading your blog is like reading a diary I wrote 5-10 years ago. I love it!!! Stay fresh and honest. The exes will always come out of the woodwork – I call it the Circle Effect. New hotties are always fun, we need that sort of excitement from time to time, even if they only remain as eye candy (sometimes that’s better). Your heart will always revive itself as long as you don’t kill it. You’re the only one who can and I pray you never do. Fresh starts and moving are always exciting but not always better than where you are or have been. No matter how it turns out, soak up the experience – it will serve you well later. Keep writing!

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