I’m Sexy and I Know It

no, not really. But that’s a great song and perfect for this post.

For some strange reason, as I was warming up on the treadmill at the gym tonight, I felt something…extra. Then I realized it was my butt. It was a little extra jiggly today. I wasn’t mad at it. In my head, I even patted myself on the back like “ok, I see you girl. Grandma’s cooking sticking around…” (These conversations happen – don’t judge me.)

But then, I grab a barbell and go out into the hallway to have my OWN space and calm with my headphones in. A girl’s just trying to crank out some squats…and creeper guy wants to get in my face. I have my headphones IN and I’m squatting – I’m not sitting idly by or remotely looking like I want to converse. I have a lot on my mind and want to be left alone; I’m a very friendly girl any other time, and yes we’ve joked around before, but get at me tomorrow. BUT NO. Next thing I know, he rolls up on me to chat…moves in close, bends over so his eyes are at my waist level…and squeezes each of my quads saying “ooh, ok, I see you – got a little definition going there! Nice.” I threw up in my mouth a little, but brushed it off, let that be that before I caused a scene…

THEN, I stop at Wawa to just get a drink and some gas, minding my own business. Then this group of guys does the slow down walk so they can proceed to look me up and down and look at each other. I made it a point to make ZERO eye contact…but then I hear…”Mmmph, she got a real nice body right there.”

I can’t.

All of this happening in 1 hour left me thinking…”Am I just looking extra juicy today?? What’s going on here?”

lmao I kid.

If you know me IRL, you know that I never have and never will call myself hot or sexy, or “bad bitch,” or whatever stupid phrase these Nicki Minaj Barbie wannabe’s choose to call themselves this week. And if you’ve ever used these phrases, or “dime” or “ten”…Slap yourself. Seriously.

I have no self-esteem issues. I don’t think I’m ugly…if I had to pick, I’d call it cute. Yeah, cute. Because I’m nerdy and athletic – not someone slinking down a runway lmao When I feel like I’m being awkward, I’ve been told I’m being graceful. I can’t ever be “sexy” – it makes me feel like a complete idiot to even try (sometimes it just happens on accident – what can I say? kidding). I’m just…the good girl. Even when I have on the sexiest Freakum Dress, I’m kinda like “eh. As long as he likes it and wants to show me off, we good.” LOL

The point is this – it ANNOYS me when girls (or guys) brag about their looks. It’s one thing to have self-confidence and good self-esteem/body image, but to think you’re God’s gift to the opposite sex? Get over yourself, please. I say this for two reasons:

1) To me, saying that gives the impression that you are 100% certain every single person asked will find you attractive. Of course, if anyone opposes, you’re quick to dismiss them and call them blind/an idiot. Some good examples – I don’t think Denzel is cute; I’ve met guys that don’t think Halle Berry is cute; I don’t think Megan Fox is that cute. No, I’m not a hater, and no, these were not gay men.

2) It’s actually unattractive to brag about well…how attractive you are. Don’t be cocky. It’s a turnoff. “But I’m just letting them know how it is…” STFU. If it’s really all that, you don’t have to tell anybody anything. Amirite? Your hotness should do all the talking. Be humble. Be unassuming. I don’t think guys mind if a girl brags, but I know girls go NUTS over guys…”eek! He doesn’t even know how cute he is…aww! I want to marry him.” We all do it. Hell, even if you know you look better than anyone else but don’t say anything about it…I’m in love. If you won’t stop kissing your guns…I’m going to call you insecure. You gotta come with more than a nice body, homie.

“Lauren, you’re not saying anything new.” YEAH WELL…I think we can all agree that a lot of people “say” this in theory all damn day, but in the end, shallow kicks in and lots of people get into relationships based on looks…and end up miserable/cheating. It’s sad. OR, what’s worse – when girls (yes, I know some like this) rely on their looks; they think that’s the only thing they have going for them, or they simply choose to not strive for more because their looks will get them by – ‘why put in real work when I can just like, tan & dye my hair and wear lots of makeup?!’ Pick up a book. Go to the gym. Here’s a secret – guys (the good ones) like it when you’re attractive and smart. Shocking, I know.

And 2 more things worth noting…a) I HATE, HATE getting hit on – it makes me feel awkward because my reaction is either “You’re a scrub, how quickly can I get out of this?! / I have to be smooth here otherwise I’ll get called a bitch with the angry tone and get scared and he’ll grab my arm.” or “He really doesn’t think you’re that great, you’re the 16th of 20 girls he’ll hit on today, he just wants some, don’t take it personally girl.” (and in the off chance that a guy tells me I’m pretty and actually means it, I find it awkward because I’m thinking “wait – you mean to tell me that you and every other guy spend hours drooling over girls that are ‘hot’ but I’m not that, andd you still think I’m pretty? This isn’t right – you should be over there hitting on the skank, that’s the way the world works. Something’s off here…What do you want?” I’m kidding, I only think that; I don’t blow guys off bc of that…I blow them off after making entertaining small talk bc my heart is taken, duh.)

b)”But Lauren – you have to take it as a compliment, at least guys are noticing you!” Shut up. There is only one person I enjoy attention from because I know it’s authentic. So everything else should be of no value to me in that sense…but I guess I could look at it as a “your work in the gym is paying off and shows.” But I don’t look to other people to assess my success in the gym – if I feel good and I feel that I look in shape by MY standards, it’s good. Otherwise, you will make yourself crazy.

Let’s be real – I work out so I can stuff my face. Truth.


One thought on “I’m Sexy and I Know It

  1. I swear you my sister from another mother, I’m reading this like this is me all the way!! LOL

    I never say I’m that rickamaroo Nicki whatever her name is, but I do say I’m cute… lol I even go so far as to say “you should do this for me” and when asked why…I reply cuz I’m cute..lol

    I don’t like getting hit on either it was me feel muy uncomfortable…lol

    Great post!!

    We are cute and we know it!! LOL

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