I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

For the past two and a half weeks, I’ve been on this crazy inspiration wave.

Not really sure where it’s coming from. And it’s kind of odd to go from “OMG work sucks, my love life sucks, I hate you all” to “Gee wilikers – I want to embrace life and everything in it. All at once. Right now.” I’ve just had this burst of energy.

I thought maybe it was getting a new job after a 10-month search. But not really. Because it’s still not what I want to do. So the fact that it’s not my current job, and the fact that it’s a job after so long, are making me feel good, not great. I should be excited as in I’m looking forward to where I’m going, when really, it’s just I’m THRILLED to be leaving such a crappy place. Ya know? I digress.

I’ve just been having uncharacteristic thoughts in my head that have lead me to serious considerations/research; like more than passing ideas or daydreaming. More like “hell yeah, I’m doing this right now.” Examples?

  • getting into photography – I’m SO far from creative. I can’t paint, draw, act, compose music, write poetry, or mold clay. If you know me IRL, you know that I’m a super logical, by the books, get a safe degree and work your 9-5 kind of person. I’m not artsy at all. So for me to want to suddenly grab a camera, randomly drive to sites, “capture the moment and lighting and feeling,” and edit stuff in Photoshop? Weird.
  • I want to relocate – almost anywhere in the United States. I’ve lived in 3 states my entire life. And each time, my parents were a maximum of 50 miles away. I didn’t go away to school or move away after. I feel like I’m missing out. Like it’s normal for people to move away from their families and visit them on holidays. Not me. Maybe it’s because I’m the only child and am close with my parents; I don’t feel like they’re holding me back, but I’d miss them! So that’s why me wanting to up and move away is crazy. Not to mention that I bought a house on the assumption I’d be living here for at least 5-10 years. I don’t regret it/feel tied down. Again, I’m a planner – the only reason I bought a house was because both my mom and I (and Wells Fargo) thought I was a long-term, stable, never make random decisions kind of person. And I am. I’ve just had this urge lately. No one saw it coming – my bad.
  • wanting to waitress – LOL. I mean, I’d be great at it. I always smile, LOVE talking to random people, do everything with a sense of urgency, and worked in retail/customer service. I can deal with jerks. I always said I wouldn’t work with food, but I kinda want to make some cash on the side (without getting a sugar daddy)
  • owning my own restaurant – friends and family know that I’m anti-owning my own business. It scares me to death. I don’t know how people do it. I need stability. The failure rate for restaurants (and most small businesses) is wayyy too high; which I could handle if it weren’t for the fact that, well – this will make or break you. If there’s trouble, it’s alll you – all of your money (usually). So if the business tanks, you’re screwed. Unless you’re one of those people lucky enough to run a business on the side with just a few thou of play money sitting around in addition to your regular income, I don’t get it. Knowing that my income/livelihood/possibly food and shelter source is tied to something so risky? No, thanks. But I think it’d be fun to run one! And I lovvvee food. (& as much as I hate the corporate world, the whole being your own boss thing is looking REAL good; the only problem is that I’m not smart enough to come up with a profitable idea someone else hasn’t already come up with)
  • hopping on a train to ride up the east coast (for some reason I only think of traditional planes/cars, so trains are all “ooh, fancy” to me)
  • completely dropping out of finance all together and liquidating all of my assets and traveling the world taking pictures / getting married and moving away to start a new life not in the corporate world and not using my degrees/throwing away all of my hard work because I’m not passionate about it

A girl can dream, right?


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