That’s right. I’m taking a break from studying all of this finance stuff to well…calculate the numbers on how often I’m single. It’s really not a big deal, but I’ve really been thinking about it a lot lately. Not in a “wow, I need a man” kind of way. It popped in my mind Friday night when I was interviewing a married couple and trying to relate it to myself/my own situation. I remember part of my “speech” being about how I’d rather be in a relationship – I’m not someone who enjoys living it up as a single person and dating lots of people; I feel that I’m at my best when I’m in a relationship and that’s when I’m the happiest. Having said that, I also am ok with being single, and am not ok with dating trash/settling. So I don’t mind being single, but I don’t prefer it either. I seem to have an oddly higher tolerance than most people for being single… (And sidenote, yes – a lot of this stems from thinking about how I’m not with a certain someone, but w/e…)
SO. The last “long-term” relationship I was in, was for a year ending in September 2008. If you add up all of the time since then that I’ve actually “dated” someone, it’s a grand total of 10 months. And this was consistent dating, nothing really crazy (except that one guy was crazy…)
So for the 41 months elapsed since Sept 2008, I’ve spent 31 of those months single (76%). Very single. I don’t know why that’s so crazy to me. I guess it’s because 31 months is a very long time for such a “relationship-kind-of-person” to well…not be in one. I actually had this conversation with a co-worker the other day. He was surprised that someone as independent as I am would ever want to actually be in a relationship. That’s harsh. lol I’m not some heartless bitch (yet. well on my way…) I have feelings too. I just tend to avoid them. They get messy and get in the way. Love clouds your otherwise sound judgment. Makes you do too many stupid things and forgive stupid people. Wow. That sounds bad. I’m not exactly making a case for myself here.
The point is that I would like…actually love, to be in a relationship right now. But only with one person. Other than that, the thought of being in a relationship makes me want to throw up. I think I’ve spent enough time over the past few years being on my own a lot and going through crap and learning who I am, and digging deep down to find a way not to hate people when they’ve hurt you. So I think all of that growing/experience/learning/reflection has finally put me in a place where I could possibly be in relationship again. But not with just anyone. You better be something special. Honestly, after the last one, I feel like I am capable of tolerating anyone’s crap and anything you try to throw at me. Guess that’s the whole “kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince” thing.
So I’m ready for the prince I guess. (I hate that I just said that, gross). Time to get my wifey swag back. It’s seriously being wasted. 😉