Something that has been bothering me for the past two months…

In a meeting at the end of December, I was complaining to my manager discussing my job search frustrations when she asked what the status of my search was.

I basically said something along the lines of: it’s complete CRAP that I’ve busted my ass the past 2 years not only working harder than anyone else here, but also finishing grad school while working 55-hour weeks at the same time; all while watching complete slackers and morons schmooze their way out of the department into better jobs. And to add insult to injury, all of you fools here have the audacity to say something about my new lack of enthusiasm (for obvious reasons) and its effect on my performance, while at the same time announcing that I have better stats than everyone else.

And this chick had the nerve to say: “Well, you know – you should be glad. You’ve accomplished a lot more than I had at your age. I didn’t even go to college.”

At the risk of sounding like a brat, it’s not my fault that you chose the life you chose. You could have done something else. I choose to strive for more – that’s me. It doesn’t make me better than ANYONE, I just chose to do the things I’ve done in an effort to avoid the crappy situation I’m in, so yes – it sucks when your hard work doesn’t pay off and others are rewarded for slacking. That’s a slap in the face. So don’t you dare sit here and try to make me feel better and say “Oh, well – you might not be where you want to be, but you’ve already done a lot!” Bitch, please.

This is something significant that I’ve realized in my last few years of maturing. It’s all relative. “Making it” for some people could be making $20,000 a year and being ok with not ever buying a house. Me – I’m shooting for six figures. And it’s important to me to own a home. (It happened about five years too soon, but whatever.) The point is that “good enough for you” isn’t good enough for me. I can’t measure you by my standards – that’s not fair. So for her to do that to me, just rubbed me the wrong way. I refuse to apologize for wanting what I want from life. And I damn sure won’t settle and say “oh, it’s ok. I can just stop now, I guess I have done a lot. I should be happy.” Not happening. No, financial achievements don’t equal happiness for me, but I believe in working hard and living the life you want as a result. That’s how my parents raised me. They did too good a job of enforcing the whole “you can be anything you want to be!” thing. Now they got me all ambitious. Why couldn’t you people just raise me to have lower standards?, geez. Giving me role models and such…

In conclusion: Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Don’t let the haters dull your shine. Ever.

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